Perfectionism

We live in a society that values excellence and achievement. You can say that without this drive, we might still be living in caves. Yes, we do need to keep pushing ourselves, and as a society we have made incredible progress on so many fronts. Technology, medicine, manufacturing and education are just some of the areas in which we rightly pursue innovation and progress- not to mention energy efficiency. We enjoy a standard of living that could not have been imagined 100 years ago.

There is a point beyond the healthy pursuit of achievement- let’s call it perfectionism. This perfectionism affects many people in our society in ways that can be very damaging and self-defeating. And the complication is that in many ways this behavior looks very much like healthy pursuits.

What does perfectionism look like?

Perfectionism might best be defined as “having standards beyond reach”, and perfectionists are those people who drive themselves to try to attain these standards. Some other characteristics of perfectionism and perfectionists are: seeing things in only one way; always feeling that “I’m not good enough;” difficulty in relationships (with co-workers, subordinates, and at home); and driving oneself to exhaustion on a project through analysis and reworking. Some perfectionists will avoid making a decision or taking a course of action even though they need to decide. This can take several forms, from outright refusal to decide to analyzing a situation beyond a useful point. Sometimes we call this ‘paralysis by analysis.’

A perfectionist might begin each new job or task with enthusiasm, and with a feeling of “this is it for me- it’s the right one (or the perfect one) at last.” But with time, he or she is back in the familiar rut of “this was not it.” The impossible expectations that go along with the impossibly high standards pretty much doom the perfectionist to repeat this pattern, while always looking for the ‘perfect’ job or task.

Idealism can take similar forms, and can rob a person of his or her enjoyment of success. Trying to live up to the standards of the ideal is as impossible as the standards of the perfectionist. Yet our society reinforces the ideal as something to strive for. It is our nature as human beings to sometimes get caught up in chasing the ideal. After all, it is an attractive goal. But this goal is just not attainable. If we persist in reaching for the same goal, even with the knowledge that we can’t get there, then we can become depressed or frustrated when we don’t reach the goal. The conflict occurs between our expectations and reality.

Perfectionists also can get caught up in another pattern that causes them to actually not work at their best. The anxiety of not doing something perfectly can bring about a near-paralysis, and what does get done can be of poor quality. So whether you are a boss, a subordinate or self-employed, perfectionism can rob you of the joy that comes from a job well done. It can also rob you of the feeling that you do have a meaningful contribution to make to your organization.

What causes this condition?

There is increasing agreement that perfectionists adapt this style of behavior in childhood, in response to the perception that they will only be accepted if they are perfect. This may be a result of parents who expect too much of their children, or who overreact to the normal mistakes that children make. Sadly, the media and our culture reinforce this misperception. Who has not seen the ads for the ‘perfect cruise’ or been informed about the ‘perfect date?’ These ads and messages resonate within us; even though most of us recognize that these are just messages, and that there is no perfect cruise.

What can be done?

Fortunately, there are sources of help and relief for this condition. Dr. David Burns describes the value of cognitive behavioral therapy in his several books. He offers concrete exercises to reduce the levels of stress from perfectionism and offers alternative behaviors for situations, leading to much more enjoyable work and relationship experiences. Many other personal development authors discuss the subject also.

The starting point for any sort of behavioral change is to first recognize that there is an area for, and need for improvement. In short, that there is a problem. In the workplace, honest and forthcoming peer reviews can be a great start. Recognizing within yourself that there is a pattern that does not serve you is a major step towards relief and a more fulfilling work life.

Often just illuminating the situation by discussing it with an advisor or friend can be helpful, especially when coupled with a realistic action plan and goals. Defining and implementing plans that are ‘healthy’ is a major step towards breaking the bonds of the self-defeating behavior of perfectionism. And having a career plan is a good idea in general.

So, if you tend to find yourself repeatedly in the same situation, feeling frustrated and finding that you don’t seem to be able to accomplish what you want, you may want to ask yourself if your standards are too high. Then, check this out with someone else, to get an additional perspective.

Right Choice Careers, LLC| jess@rightchoicecareers.com | (413) 977-9273